A ‘Song of Experience.’........The Poem

I did want love.
And I did want a child.

I stared at every baby ...with desire
to have my own ...my own... my own...

A longing .. with a passion
...that is as old as woman .
I would be happy once I had my nest
And my own dear fledgling in it.

It was my dream... not yours.
But that did not discourage me..
Despite the doubts

The day did come..
I began to swell with pleasure as
My baby grew within.

Sweet enough to smile...with the news
You downed the St Emillion
Before the coq au vin was even cooked.

We walked amongst the ancient trees
Down by the city Lake
Yehudi played his violin
Soft plaintive strings...
Which glided through the Kenwood air
So sweet and so divine
And so unlike the mood
That swam like sharks
‘Tween you and me.

The bitter words did out
And your regret left me in little doubt
You did not want this baby now.

More deadly than a thousand other slings
Those words shot into me
,,,as deeply as the dying soldier’s bullet
Wounded him.

With my growing baby
They lingered in me...
..side by side

In Kent...we stopped for berries..

..and as I bent to pick them
There came a deadly stitch
The pain that was the mark
Of the beginning of the end.

Blood flowed from me..

A White Coated Hospital...
Three days I lay
Long sweated hours
I begged my child to stay

...I said ...and said...dear child
..do not depart from me...
I love you so...
Delirious...in pain

Near me
A quiet girl lay in her bed,
Jamaican Roots she said...
I hope your baby lives...

I had to let mine go...
I have no home you see
I am alone .
I pray for yours...
I had to let mine go.
Her eyes were large and sad.

We stretched our hearts across the room
And held on tight...
Strangers..
... in hollow agony.....
Both cradling our pain.

Outside
The London traffic roared,
The pavements shuffled ...other people’s lives

Soon.... I could not speak
They knocked me out, my eye-lids leaden bricks.....
When I came too they said ...you lost your little boy
And put a glass of water by my bed.

My child was gone ...where did he go..?
That little boy I never knew..but I already loved so well..
What did they do with dead babies then ?
What happened to my baby ?

Kristine Byrne 24th september. 2010.....revised 1st Sept. 2012...